In 2016, I was a broken hearted mess. I was broken up with, I was still reeling from a personal trauma, and I was feeling completely abandoned and alone. One of my best friend’s mother sent me a link to this life-changing YouTube video of Gangaji, a spiritual teacher (although she wouldn’t call herself that), speaking on a topic called ‘The Courage to Give up Hope’. At first, it confused me. Our culture, society, movies, loved ones all tell us to never give up hope. But Gangaji invited those who were willing to been vulnerable in the feelings that come up when you give up hope for just a moment. To let all those deep rooted, gut wrenching, heart breaking feelings be felt. She does not say to not hope at all, but to be willing to go deeper and experience what is there. Often fear comes up, but once you give yourself permission to let go, freedom sets in.

It changed my life instantly in that moment. I remember listening to her whole talk and feeling my neurons reconnect and reshape trying to grasp this mind-bending information.

It wasn’t until 2019 that I dove into the rest of her talks. I had a long drive to school, so I would listen to Gangaji’s several podcasts. Each one opened my mind, spirituality, and heart space further. She encourages opening – to open to what is already here, what your are experiencing, your thoughts, your feelings. Knowing that you are not your thoughts or feelings. She encourages stopping – to stop with the habits, thought patterns, monkey mind, and be where you are. Sit in the silence. She encourages self-inquiry without judgement and experience whatever arises.

I appreciate her approach on ‘spiritual’ topics, and how she does not claim to be a guru or someone on a pedastal waiting for followers to worship her at her feet. She doesn’t want that. It is easy to see that through her own journey of spirituality, suffering, and life, Gangaji has been humbled by her truth.

Gangaji’s teachings have helped me ‘stop’ more often, judge less often, become aware more often, and see life through a more open and freeing space that comes from love. Personally, I have always been a more positive person, wanting others to feel happy and good and feeding off that energy. I also enjoy my alone by myself because I am fun and funny with myself. I always thought something was wrong with me. Throughout my life, people have described me as someone who smiles all the time, might laugh too loud, cheerful, positive, and so on. Most people around me weren’t like that, so I felt out of place. When I have experienced deep suffering in my life, I thought I had lost this inner bright flame of mine, but I every time, it would feel its presence re-emerge once I opened. Gangaji has reminded me of the power of opening and of that which is unchanging – the truth of who you are – all of it is always there. No matter the suffering, failures, joys, excitement, sorrows, monotony, and disappointments.

It is refreshing to hear someone say, oh, you feel suffering? Then feel it. Many believe that you must fix it or overcome it. But that is not the truth. Suffering is there is be heard, felt, experienced. From this surrender, freedom will come. The point is not to end suffering – that is an impossible task. Suffering is innately and intimately tied to life as we live it. But rather, the point is to experience it all. To be free of it, we must be free with it.