So much has happened in the last two years. It seems like a movie… pandemic, civil unrest, political brainwashing, corruption, insurrection, the ever looming climate crisis, and now war. And for me personally, I left a long-term relationship, moved home, jumped into another relationship, finished my Master’s degree, realized the new relationship turned out to be toxic, was let go from my boys club uncomfortable corporate job (they beat me to the punch), got triggered from a previous traumatic event, had a mental breakdown, sought mental health treatment, got back into teaching yoga and worked part-time, and then got offered a government job in another city. Whew… it’s been a lot to say the least.

People have been going through incredible changes in their lives these past couple years. Some good and wonderful, some bad and devastating. I’ve heard all sorts of stories, and I wonder how we are all able to get by. Support, friends, partners have helped tremendously. Relatable memes have also helped…

One major realization I’ve had is how unstable I’ve felt, even before the pandemic. I haven’t felt stable in years due to unresolved trauma and not taking time for me. Once I was able to get intensive mental health treatment, I finally had time to sit, process, and deal with things that I consciously and subconsciously tucked away. In the years prior, I was dealing with certain things and making progress in some areas, but I knew deep down there was more to be done.

It was tough work. The schedule consisted of classes Monday through Friday from 9am to 4pm that included Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT), Processing, Healthy Relationships, Nutrition, Music Therapy, Art Therapy, Horticulture, and Drumming. I learned about my triggers and their warning signs, why they’re there, using all sorts of new coping skills, how my mind works, my impulses, my attachment issues, how to deal with sleep issues, and more. It truly was a life-changing experience.

But mental health is a constant practice. Just now I’m really feeling that I’ve digested the majority of the experience, but not all of it. For someone like me who is a slow processor, it takes time. I’m still living at home, so becomes difficult to truly move forward because I’m constantly at odds with the idea that I’m failure. How I shouldn’t be living at home at 27. But I’ve realized that 1) the wealth disparity and wage issues are insane, and 2) so many people my age and even older are doing the same thing.

This new job, however, has validated my hard-work and resilience with my academic career, my ability to keep going despite the circumstances of my life, and the belief in myself. That’s another focus of mine—believing in myself more. Realizing I’ve been through hell and back, so I can do anything I set my mind to. The words joyful, excitement, thrilled or relieved don’t quite capture this feeling I have… Just a “I knew it!” That this opportunity was out there and will be recognized by someone who values my skills and will compensate me accordingly. That I will eventually have my own place, and, most importantly, I will feel stability. In my mind and in my body. I’m ready and eager to start this next chapter!